Volvo V40 Cross Country D4 SE Nav Geartronic

It’s said that the pen is mightier than the sword. If that’s the case, the camera must be a positively lethal weapon, as if there’s one instrument that strikes fear into those in power, it’s the brandishing of a Nikon. Or in my case, an iPhone. After last month’s stream of warnings from the Volvo’s tyre pressure monitoring system, and a series of attempts to keep the nearside rear tyre inflated, the V40’s dashboard started protesting more firmly. Instead of demurely mentioning that the tyre needed to be checked, the message was upgraded to “rear tyre needs air now”.

Sure enough, adding air calmed down the dashboard warnings, only very briefly, so something was clearly amiss. I dived into National Tyres in Guildford for a diagnosis and a more permanent fix. It turned out I’d picked up a screw in the centre of the tread, but if I crossed their palms with enough silver they could fix it. I never established what the cost would be though, because when I said I’d need to grab a shot of the car being worked on, for this report, I was told that it wouldn’t be possible. “More than my job’s worth mate; if my boss found out the press had been in here with cameras, I’d be in big trouble”. Having failed in my attempt to scoop a major exposé on suspect tyre practices in Guildford, I tried the Hi Q opposite, for repairs. This time I was welcomed with open arms and I could take as many pictures as I wanted. Ross fixed the puncture very efficiently and I was relieved of £19 for the privilege a new tyre would have cost closer to £140!

So far all is hunky dory with the nearside rear tyre, but a few days after it was fixed I had to go to Milton Keynes, where I really needed the navigation system to work, but it abandoned me. Imagine you go to Milton Keynes (the horror!), but you’re given a map of Brussels to find your way around.

That’s how it felt for me. The system would be telling me to take a right at the roundabout I was approaching when I was on a long, straight dual-carriageway. Or it would be telling me I was driving across a field, when I was actually in a housing estate. I resorted to using my phone to navigate to my meeting, which could potentially have put me on the wrong side of the law.

While all this was going on, the one-touch electric windows also threw a strop; I’d have to keep my finger on the button for them to go up or down. But a couple of days later, everything was working fine once more, so I’m hoping the glitch was a one-off.